I feel like it doesn’t matter. There’s always a head-trip there. Even if you’re young, you feel like you need to prove yourself and if you’re old you are afraid of looking old – and I for sure went through that. In any project I have gone through ups and downs, but this one, in particular the first two years, were really hard on me in a sense of like kinda not really applying myself the way that I knew that I could. I don’t know if I knew that I could at that time, because I was too conflicted with those types of thoughts – a lot of negativity and stuff – and then just kind of being burned out. I was able to get through that and start to just get to the point where you’re like: I don’t give a fuck anymore. I don’t have anything to prove. Not being afraid of what my best is gonna look like, because it’s just like: whatever, you got nothing to lose. You’re already here. You’ve made it this far, so whatever. Once I kinda got through that then there was no more head-trip and I could just skate.
I definitely found another… I don’t know what it was… it was different. It changed it for me for sure, because there were a few years there where it was like a weird thing, because it turns into a job.
I don’t know if it’s a „have to“. I mean, I don’t have to do shit. I could be like: „No“. I could do a lot of things, but that wasn’t good enough for me. If I would have done that, I would have always kinda questioned it. At least now I feel like I did what I could for sure. Without a doubt I did the most I could do and I maximized it and will be stoked forever to know as far as skating is concerned I was there for the majority of it and got the most out of it.
The worst experience for me personally is, when I get into the mindset where I’m very focused, it can be good or bad, but I think the level of focus that I got to with this, it makes the rest of my life very unbalanced. You live like that for four years and it doesn’t really allow much room for other things. In my personal life it causes some issues. This fucking projects and this type of stuff – that’s what it demands: a certain amount of selfishness. That’s just the fucking bottom line and the older you get, the more it requires. It’s not like I’m twenty anymore and just go home and drink and hang out.
Yeah, it makes you fucking pretty neurotic and crazy, because there is always a certain level of perfection, too. You do something and it’s always like: „Well you could’ve done it better.“ Even with the filmers and stuff in it. When you come out of these things and they are over you’re crazy – literally.
„Skateboarding, I don’t know what’s going on with it, but it’s such bullshit“
Oh absolutely. I come from when you can have shit and hold it and it’s something and you save it and it’s there. I don’t understand how you can film for five years and it’s just in cyberspace somewhere. Skateboarding is so disposable these days, it sucks. You watch at a sidebar of a website that shows a video part and then you see it get pushed down. In about a week, it’s gone. And it’s not getting pushed down by something with equal effort, it’s getting pushed down by some fucking shit. Some skate commercial or whatever and it’s just fucking stupid. Skateboarding, I don’t know what’s going on with it, but it’s such bullshit. I’m glad I’m sagwaying out of it at this point, because I don’t know what the fuck is going to happen. Apparently you can be somebody because of Instagram now.
Ah, I’m skating. Obviously there’s always that part of me that is probably going to push that, but I don’t have any solid plans. Because this whole Vans thing at this point I have to control sessions. If I’m gonna do it and do it the way I want to do it, I’m so fucking crazy now, so it’s nice to not be like that and don’t have to control everything and be so fucking neurotic. It’s nice to maybe focus on some of the other kids we are working on stuff with, but ultimately for me being out skating in the street almost daily is kinda like my thing.
„I’m a high school dropout, I fucking don’t know shit“
Well I ain’t got it like that, so there ain’t no house or a ranch.
I mean one day I will wander off, but not now. Skating is all I know, it’s all I ever known. I’m a high school dropout, I fucking don’t know shit. All my eggs are in this basket, so I will be here for a while, but one day I probably will get completely sick of it and just be gone. In the sense of: „It’s so new and for the new kids“… I don’t know, fuck I’ll probably be skating. Who knows. But it will probably be away from the industry so you can just enjoy it for your self completely and it’s no longer attached to products and shit.
Thanks to Pat, Max and Parallel Magazine.